{"id":8877,"date":"2021-02-26T15:50:33","date_gmt":"2021-02-26T15:50:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/?p=8877"},"modified":"2021-02-26T15:50:33","modified_gmt":"2021-02-26T15:50:33","slug":"when-i-know-theres-a-reason","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/article\/when-i-know-theres-a-reason","title":{"rendered":"When I Know There&#8217;s a Reason"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"8877\" class=\"elementor elementor-8877\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-9648fc7 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"9648fc7\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-43840ff\" data-id=\"43840ff\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-70875f1 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"70875f1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<style>\/*! elementor - v3.14.0 - 26-06-2023 *\/\n.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-stacked .elementor-drop-cap{background-color:#69727d;color:#fff}.elementor-widget-text-editor.elementor-drop-cap-view-framed .elementor-drop-cap{color:#69727d;border:3px solid;background-color:transparent}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap{margin-top:8px}.elementor-widget-text-editor:not(.elementor-drop-cap-view-default) .elementor-drop-cap-letter{width:1em;height:1em}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap{float:left;text-align:center;line-height:1;font-size:50px}.elementor-widget-text-editor .elementor-drop-cap-letter{display:inline-block}<\/style>\t\t\t\t<p>People often come to our workshops excited to learn about how changing your actions can <strong>immediately <\/strong>start helping your loved one. But the beginning of our time together actually focuses on an entirely different concept: <strong>changing your understanding<\/strong>!<\/p><p>Starting with understanding can feel like a disappointing detour, keeping you from accessing more practical skills. You may feel that it\u2019s beside the point, or that <strong>actions<\/strong> are most important while <strong>changes in thought <\/strong>can come later.<\/p><p>But creating <strong>long-term, sustainable change<\/strong> begins with this vitally important part of helping.<\/p><p>We center <a href=\"https:\/\/the20minuteguide.com\/parents\/helping-with-understanding\/\">\u201cHelping with Understanding\u201d<\/a> in our approach because shifting the way you think about your loved one\u2019s substance use can actually shift the way you interact with <strong>every other part of the change process<\/strong>. When you understand where your loved one\u2019s behavior is coming from, you can better understand<strong> how to help them<\/strong>.<\/p><p>What\u2019s more, changing your understanding means gaining a better understanding of <strong>yourself:<\/strong> your reactions, feelings, and thoughts. This type of insight can help you stay <strong>true to your values<\/strong> throughout the process of supporting your loved one.<\/p><h4>So What Does It Mean?<\/h4><p>In order to effectively deal with any problem, you must <strong>first understand<\/strong> where it comes from, what contributes to it occurring, and how it is affecting both you and your loved one.<\/p><p>To illustrate this concept, we have developed the following video exercise. We invite you to watch it while thinking about the kinds of <strong>feelings<\/strong> that might come up if <strong>you<\/strong> were involved in the situation described.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-bf70e0c elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"bf70e0c\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-ecea5c6\" data-id=\"ecea5c6\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c13bff6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-video\" data-id=\"c13bff6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-settings=\"{&quot;youtube_url&quot;:&quot;https:\\\/\\\/youtu.be\\\/GkuSDyBIMEk&quot;,&quot;video_type&quot;:&quot;youtube&quot;,&quot;controls&quot;:&quot;yes&quot;}\" data-widget_type=\"video.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t<style>\/*! elementor - v3.14.0 - 26-06-2023 *\/\n.elementor-widget-video .elementor-widget-container{overflow:hidden;transform:translateZ(0)}.elementor-widget-video .elementor-wrapper{aspect-ratio:var(--video-aspect-ratio)}.elementor-widget-video .elementor-wrapper iframe,.elementor-widget-video .elementor-wrapper video{height:100%;width:100%;display:flex;border:none;background-color:#000}@supports not (aspect-ratio:1\/1){.elementor-widget-video .elementor-wrapper{position:relative;overflow:hidden;height:0;padding-bottom:calc(100% \/ var(--video-aspect-ratio))}.elementor-widget-video .elementor-wrapper iframe,.elementor-widget-video .elementor-wrapper video{position:absolute;top:0;right:0;bottom:0;left:0}}.elementor-widget-video .elementor-open-inline .elementor-custom-embed-image-overlay{position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;background-size:cover;background-position:50%}.elementor-widget-video .elementor-custom-embed-image-overlay{cursor:pointer;text-align:center}.elementor-widget-video .elementor-custom-embed-image-overlay:hover .elementor-custom-embed-play i{opacity:1}.elementor-widget-video .elementor-custom-embed-image-overlay img{display:block;width:100%}.elementor-widget-video .e-hosted-video .elementor-video{-o-object-fit:cover;object-fit:cover}.e-con-inner>.elementor-widget-video,.e-con>.elementor-widget-video{width:var(--container-widget-width);--flex-grow:var(--container-widget-flex-grow)}<\/style>\t\t<div class=\"elementor-wrapper elementor-open-inline\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-video\"><\/div>\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-6461fb1 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"6461fb1\" data-element_type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-56131a3\" data-id=\"56131a3\" data-element_type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e6c2626 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e6c2626\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<h4>Behaviors Make Sense<\/h4><p>One of the things we hope you take from this video is that people\u2019s behaviors <strong>make sense<\/strong>. Even when someone\u2019s actions seem completely unreasonable (or even destructive), their behaviors are still motivated by a set of values that you <strong>can likely understand<\/strong>.<\/p><p>To put it in context: your loved one is not using substances because they\u2019re \u201ccrazy\u201d or because they want to \u201cpiss you off\u201d (though it may feel that way sometimes!). <strong>People use substances because it provides something important to them<\/strong>, like relief from pain, the ability to sleep, or simply a feeling of calmness when they may have few other reliable sources of peace.<\/p><p>Even when the\u00a0 negative consequences of their use start to pile up, the fact remains that your loved one is likely getting something <strong>deeply positive<\/strong> from substances &#8211; and the presence of these negative consequences doesn\u2019t make the positives go away. <strong>It simply means they both exist together<\/strong>.<\/p><p>Why does this matter? Because once you <strong>understand <\/strong>what the positives of use are for your loved one, you can help them to find <strong>alternatives<\/strong>. For example, if they smoke to take away boredom, you might offer to spend more time with them doing something you both enjoy. If they drink to unwind at the end of the day, maybe they might benefit from an engaging form of exercise instead. <strong>Try and brainstorm<\/strong> what some of these alternatives might be, by yourself or together.\u00a0<\/p><p>Additionally, understanding <strong>their<\/strong> motivations can help you better frame <strong>your own<\/strong> feelings of frustration, fear, or sadness. While these reactions are natural ones to have, they likely stem more from your worry about the <strong>unpredictability<\/strong> of your loved one\u2019s behaviors than the reality of their motivation.\u00a0<\/p><p>To return to the person running into traffic &#8211; <strong>before you knew their motivations<\/strong>, their actions were scary and upsetting in part because the person seemed unaware of the danger they were in. <strong>After you learned their motivations<\/strong>, you could better contextualize the situation: why they were in the road, why the danger was worth it for them, and how you might be able to help.\u00a0<\/p><p>Realizing that their behaviors make sense can <strong>allow for the hope<\/strong> that you will be able to <strong>move towards change together<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Shifting the way you think about your loved one\u2019s substance use can actually shift the way you interact with every other part of the change process. Creating long-term, sustainable change begins with this vitally important part of helping. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":8892,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[21],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8877"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8877"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8877\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8892"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8877"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8877"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cmcffc.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8877"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}